I am officially irritated with myself.
I become so frustrated sometimes that I direct my negative energy at those around me…and they aren’t even doing anything wrong. I skew the reality so that it fits my state of mind…I’m already pissy, so you MUST be attacking me personally, punk. I am rolling my eyes because I know better, and still get sucked in. I am surrounded by an excellent community full of fantastic people, ready and willing to help in any way, as long as I am receptive. (Please note: this does not apply to every person; adjustment is also probably temporary…) BUT….point being: I’m irritated with my ill thoughts and agitated tendencies towards individuals that truly don’t deserve it. I haven’t flipped out on anyone (other than my husband) – but I sure have thought about it and may have even hoped for the opportunity….
I’ve had a rough couple of weeks – no different than anyone else, but managed to grossly misplace my negative energy. Annoying. I couldn’t figure out what the deal was…so I asked that often as if it would help….”What’s my deal?” “I don’t know WHAT my deal is lately….” – now that I see that question in print….what does that even mean? I had a little inner chat to take notice of some of the emotional disturbances that have occurred lately and allowed myself to feel sad, forgave myself for those human moments, and apologized for choosing the easy way of taking it out on others.
We are allowed to have bad days and poor perspective. But we should never ever let it become the norm. Attitudes are contagious. Choose wisely which color will tint your glasses. Fight the urge to turn to the dark side. Not everyone is out to get us. It just feels like it sometimes. If you are where I was last week – take some time to figure out where the toxic root is in your mind or your spirit. Pull that bastard out and crush it. Don’t let it poison your days and the days of others. On that same token…don’t allow someone else’s crappy attitude to become your own. Choose how you think…even if someone is saying things that hurt…you can hear it…but you don’t have to internalize it as fact. Hit delete and move on.
Lord, I thank you for the people that care about me enough to put up with me on my worst days. I ask for forgiveness for the times that I wasn’t strong enough to shut my mouth or turn off my negative thoughts. I know that through you, I can be the person I’m meant to be. One that is encouraging, supportive, and kind. After all, I want to spread love….and I can only do that if I’m loving myself through you.
Bring it on.