Let’s talk about Specs…

So, I deal with a lot of couples. Couples with kids, without kids, with same genitalia, with different genitalia, you name it.  There is one thing that is consistent….annoyance and frustration with partner.

What’s love got to do with it?…..got to do with it? What’s love, but a second hand emotion….  yeah…..yeah. I. did.

Are you “loving” them?  Are you?  If we’re being honest, we know that we don’t typically love the way we are “supposed” to. We shouldn’t be jealous, or quick to anger, we shouldn’t judge, or be irritated.  But if your life is like mine….that just isn’t the way it happens. Consider though, that the strongest thread of love might just be that you are CHOOSING each-other all the time. There are tons of people everywhere, all the time, they could be with – and maybe are, which we will get to… But USUALLY that person is choosing you daily.  Are they perfect? No. Are you? Nah ah.

So what, right? They choose us, we choose them. Great. Still irritated. He breathes gross, and picks at his face. She obsesses about every little imperfection and twirls her hair. I can’t even take it another second!  Yeah, you can. And you will. Because you can choose to overlook those things based on the GOOD. Don’t focus on the annoying habits of your partner. Seek the good habits and focus on those. Take a deep breath when they are being human – and overlook it. Because really – do you want them to focus on your grossness?  No. You want them to see the light inside you….and help make it brighter….

You aren’t made to be with a partner because of what that person brings to the table. You are made to be with a partner because you compliment each-other. Together you are a stronger individual BECAUSE of your quirks,  your lame awesomeness, and the fact that you both recognize that in each-other. You want someone to do life with…even on the bad days. Conflict provides an opportunity for growth if you’ll allow it.  And IF your partner is choosing to be with other people, and that’s not ok with you….CHOOSE to tell them to stop, forgive them if they do – OR CHOOSE SOMEONE ELSE and let them go.

You control your thoughts and actions which can change your environment. Be happier and show your partner that you are choosing to love them as they are, and you are willing to grow together….Did I say it was easy?  pfffffsssssssh. no.  But it is possible depending on how bad you want it.

Thank you Lord for the partner you have placed in my life. I ask you to watch over them and highlight their gifts in my eyes. I seek to love them the way you love me – and to always keep my gaze toward you.  If I am focused on you, then I can’t focus on them, and things will work out in your favor, not mine.



Attitude Adjustment

I am officially irritated with myself.

I become so frustrated sometimes that I direct my negative energy at those around me…and they aren’t even doing anything wrong. I skew the reality so that it fits my state of mind…I’m already pissy, so you MUST be attacking me personally, punk. I am rolling my eyes because I know better, and still get sucked in.  I am surrounded by an excellent community full of fantastic people, ready and willing to help in any way, as long as I am receptive. (Please note: this does not apply to every person; adjustment is also probably temporary…) BUT….point being: I’m irritated with my ill thoughts and agitated tendencies towards individuals that truly don’t deserve it.  I haven’t flipped out on anyone (other than my husband) – but I sure have thought about it and may have even hoped for the opportunity….

I’ve had a rough couple of weeks – no different than anyone else, but managed to grossly misplace my negative energy. Annoying.  I couldn’t figure out what the deal was…so I asked that often as if it would help….”What’s my deal?”  “I don’t know WHAT my deal is lately….” – now that I see that question in print….what does that even mean?  I had a little inner chat to take notice of some of the emotional disturbances that have occurred lately and allowed myself to feel sad, forgave myself for those human moments, and apologized for choosing the easy way of taking it out on others.

We are allowed to have bad days and poor perspective. But we should never ever let it become the norm. Attitudes are contagious. Choose wisely which color will tint your glasses. Fight the urge to turn to the dark side. Not everyone is out to get us. It just feels like it sometimes. If you are where I was last week – take some time to figure out where the toxic root is in your mind or your spirit. Pull that bastard out and crush it. Don’t let it poison your days and the days of others. On that same token…don’t allow someone else’s crappy attitude to become your own. Choose how you think…even if someone is saying things that hurt…you can hear it…but you don’t have to internalize it as fact.  Hit delete and move on.

Lord, I thank you for the people that care about me enough to put up with me on my worst days. I ask for forgiveness for the times that I wasn’t strong enough to shut my mouth or turn off my negative thoughts. I know that through you, I can be the person I’m meant to be. One that is encouraging, supportive, and kind. After all, I want to spread love….and I can only do that if I’m loving myself through you.

Bring it on.

woman in sunshine

Whatever. I’m busy.

It’s hard to admit how often I’ve dismissed “play time” with my boys because of something else I’ve chosen over them. I know it was a good exercise, for them to wait patiently for me to play. It helps them realize they can’t be the center of attention all the time. They must learn to wait their turn while a task is being completed and that not everyone will jump upon immediate request of affection. But that doesn’t help me feel better about the years I’ve missed in exchange for meaningless tasks.  Deep Sigh.

Well – lesson learned. I have since grown to fully understand how it feels. I see my kids with their phones, video games, bike riding, friend visiting – and the tables are slowly turning. I find myself wanting to spend time with them and THEY are suddenly becoming “busy”…. oh….do you hear that?  It’s the sound of this mom’s heart tearing. Which, I know, like any muscle…tears are only indicative of strength after healing.  Still bitter sweet knowing they are exercising their rite of passage to independence.  On one hand I feel confident I’m doing something right. I haven’t made them feel like they can’t do life without me. They venture from home for a bit, then come back and hug and hang with me. They appear well rounded and well adjusted.

Time is officially working against me though. I find myself fighting back. Offering to do things for them they can do themselves hoping to show them love because we don’t hug all the time anymore, they don’t sit on my lap, or cling me to death…  Well – let’s just play the Enabler card now, shall we? I have created an inner battle around my role in the family. Confused about how to nurture without enabling and how to instill responsibility without abandonment. I’m rearing men…not baby boys. Because, let’s face it…a grown man still attached to his mommy is in NO way attractive. So, I’m putting my big girl panties on, (pretty ones…of course, so not to lose my femininity in a house full of guys)… and keeping my expectations high of their level of involvement in this family. And I know deep down it will pay off…but I will still long for the days of true tender love, bonding, and innocence of holding my babies as they sleep since they are long gone.   As they should be, because how awkward to hold my 145 lb 13 year old as he sleeps, inevitably drooling on me as I suffocate.  No thanks.

Lord, thank you for the time I have with my children. I struggle fiercely to hold on loosely as they grow into men that follow you, not me, thankfully. Please watch over them when I can’t. Mainly because I fear I would not be able to act responsibly if someone were to harm them.  Deep breathing as I place them in your loving and protective hands. All my love for your forgiveness of my daily blunders. In your name I pray for so many…

So this is blogging…


Life often wedges itself in the way of our plans. Usually, I find those wedges to be a great starting point to anxiety. Going with the “flow” – isn’t just about rolling over and giving up your dreams. It’s more about accepting that sometimes the fight is meant to occur on another day. And that today, a more pressing issue demands our attention. We should acknowledge that, but NEVER accept it as an excuse to give up. So – I have finally arrived to the destination “blogger” – a few months off schedule – and some pain and joy in the midst of the marathon, but full of valuable trinkets to share thanks to my tangent…I’m pumped….you should be too.